Life, as it often does, threw us a curveball recently. Eddie’s return from Manila to London brought with it a weight, a shadow I hadn’t seen before. He was physically present, yet a part of him seemed distant, lost in the echoes of past traumas. As he spoke, the pieces began to fall into place – CPTSD had taken hold, and it felt like we were both caught in a strong undercurrent, pulling us down together as we held on.
My immediate reaction, my old coping mechanism, was to retreat, to recharge on my own. It's how I've always processed things, this need to look for the bright side, to remember the good memories that marked the beginning of “us,” the foundation of our blog, AshleyLoveEddie.
During that initial period, as I poured my emotions into creating the first song, the start of something new (https://youtube.com/shorts/vs-8pVAlzXQ), Eddie wasn't fully present to share that moment of creation. The lyrics speak of finding a new beginning after being broken, of a virtual hug and feeling saved – sentiments that reflected my hopes for our future together.
Then came a moment of realization. My instinct to step back shifted. He needed me. We were in this together, and running wasn't the answer. I sought guidance on how to navigate this, how to heal myself while supporting him on his own journey. It was from this space that another song emerged (https://youtu.be/gkPg4ZlpYqg). This folk-inspired melody is about reconnecting, about finding joy in small things after a period of drifting apart. It perfectly mirrored our struggle and my decision to stay and fight alongside him.
And then, slowly, we began to find our light again. Eddie started to heal, and the creative spark reignited within him. He returned to our blog, sharing his thoughts and feelings with such raw honesty. His latest entry, “Miss Na Kita” on https://ashleyloveeddie.blogspot.com, is a testament to the depth of his emotions. The lyrics he composed on YouTube (https://youtu.be/RG8qmmtudL8?si=YMTYYMl8dap_W6uF).”It’s a powerful declaration of our bond, a reflection of how we found our way back to each other.
This series of events, marked by shadows and illuminated by songs, feels like a significant chapter in our story. It’s a reminder that even in the darkest of times, love and connection can be the guiding lights. And sometimes, the most profound healing happens when we face the storm together, hand in hand, finding our shared rhythm once more.
"The Song We Made" is more than just a song; it's a chapter from our life. This song was born from a journey through a dark period of struggle and healing, a time when our love and resilience were truly tested.
It tells the story of how my partner, Eddie, and I navigated the challenges of CPTSD. When it felt like we were swimming against a strong current, we found our way back to each other and to the light.
I still remember the silence. Not the quiet kind you can find in a library or on a still evening, but the silence that lives in a conversation that's lost its rhythm. It’s a quiet that tells you something is gone.
For a while, our relationship felt like two ships passing in the night, even though we were on the phone every day. We were thousands of miles apart, from London to Manila, and it felt like the distance wasn't just physical. A heavy shadow had fallen over things, and we were both struggling to find our way back to the easy, happy "us" we used to be. The laughter was less frequent, the conversations were heavier, and I felt like I was losing my own light while trying to find his.
I wanted to find a way to tell him what I needed, but words felt clumsy. It took a quiet moment of reflection to realize that the answer wasn't in one big solution, but in a series of gentle, daily choices. It was a gentle nudge, a reminder that the strongest bonds are not those that avoid the shadow, but those that can create their own light. A wise friend helped me put my feelings into words, and this is the advice that came from our conversation. It really made me think of us
Greetings, Eddie.
Listen closely, for this is a friendly tip, whispered to you from the universe itself.
You are a soul of great light, though it has been dimmed by the deep space of trauma and the complex constellations of your mind. Ashley’s light is there to guide you, but she is also a star, and her light needs to be fed.
Remember these simple universal truths to keep your orbits aligned:
1. Create a Pocket of Sunlight.
The universe is not all darkness; it is filled with nebulae, galaxies, and the warmth of suns. Ashley knows you are navigating some dark spaces right now, but when all your energy is focused there, her light begins to fade.
The Tip: In your conversations, consciously create a pocket of sunlight. Dedicate a moment each day to something purely happy, something that has no shadow—a shared memory, a joke, or a simple dream for the future.
2. Tune into Her Frequency.
Ashley’s feelings are a unique frequency, a subtle hum in the cosmos. Your wiring may not always be attuned to it, but you have the power to listen.
The Tip: When you sense she is sad, pause and listen. A simple acknowledgment is a powerful cosmic signal. Say, "I hear your sadness," or "It's okay to feel that way." This is a language of pure love, and it tells her she is not alone in the vastness.
3. Align Your Worlds.
Your connection spans oceans and continents, but that makes your shared moments even more sacred. Don't let your calls be just a distant orbit.
The Tip: Be intentional with your time. Plan to watch the same movie, listen to the same song, or simply lie down and talk without any distractions. Create a constellation that is uniquely yours, even from far away.
4. Send Out Your Own Starlight.
Tiny sparks of starlight can travel across light-years. The small gestures are your most powerful energy.
The Tip: A simple "I love you" text, a photo of your smile, or a spontaneous message telling her you are thinking of her—these are the tiny sparks that remind her she is always a bright part of your universe.
5. Tend to Your Own Light.
It is difficult to share light when your own is dimming. Ashley worries that your focus on the darkness will consume you.
The Tip: Take a moment to step away from the stress. Your happiness is a light source for her. When you take care of yourself, you are loving her, too.
Remember, Eddie, the universe is built on connection. The strongest bonds are those that share both light and shadow, but they always remember to create their own brightness.
And then, it happened. The moment I knew we had found our way back to life. It didn't happen in a big dramatic way, but in a quiet, beautiful moment. He simply told me, “Come with me to the park.”
And so we went. He held his phone up on a video call, and as he walked, it felt like I was walking right beside him. We ventured down an eerie path toward a Tree Tower, past bursts of red, purple, and yellow flowers—each a small explosion of hope. We laughed about an imaginary double burger, complete with bacon and onion rings, and we found a tiny dwarf palm that felt like a secret just for us. It was in those moments, in the small details we were creating together across a screen, that the quiet from before was replaced by the familiar sound of our old rhythm.
The truth is, finding your way back isn't a single event. It's a choice you make every single day. It's the decision to create your own light, even when you're in the shadow. It's in the virtual walks, the silly jokes, and the conscious effort to find the beautiful things in a world that can sometimes feel heavy.
If you’re feeling like you’ve lost your groove, remember this: the light is always there. Sometimes, you just have to decide to create it yourself.
This video is my personal journey through the light and shadow of a long-distance relationship. I wrote the lyrics and created this video to explore how to navigate life's challenges and find a way back to happiness. The song is a tribute to the small, everyday choices that reconnect us, from an imaginary burger in a park to simply choosing to find the light again. It's for anyone who has struggled to keep their rhythm but never lost faith in love.
Sometimes, in the midst of overwhelming emotions or unspoken pain, words can feel insufficient. They can fall short of capturing the depth of what we’re feeling or the comfort we long to offer. It’s in those moments that a simple, heartfelt embrace can speak volumes.
My latest creative project, a song titled "[I Feel Your Pain]", explores the complexities of connecting with someone who is hurting. While the music and lyrics aim to capture the internal struggles and the desire to offer support, it’s often the simplest of human gestures that carry the most profound meaning.
I recently came across a powerful black and white photograph: a man is being held in an embrace, his head resting as a woman holds him, her arms wrapped around his neck. The gesture is one of profound support and comfort. It's a hug that says, "I'm holding you; I've got you."
This image perfectly encapsulates the essence of my song. It speaks to the idea that sometimes, the most effective way to break through the walls someone has built around their heart is not through elaborate explanations or solutions, but through a genuine, non-verbal expression of care. This particular kind of embrace communicates a deep sense of safety—a powerful anchor in a sea of turmoil. It can remind someone that they are loved, that they are safe, and that they don’t have to carry their pain entirely on their own.
In the embrace captured in the photograph, there’s a sense of acceptance – a silent acknowledgment of pain without judgment. It suggests that the person being held is not alone in their struggle, that someone sees them and is willing to offer comfort without demanding anything in return.
When we think about supporting loved ones who are navigating difficult times, especially those dealing with invisible wounds or carrying heavy burdens, we might feel pressured to say the right thing or offer the perfect advice. But often, what’s needed most is simply our presence and a tangible expression of care.
And that tangible expression isn't always physical. Even when you're miles away, you can still offer a powerful sense of support. A "virtual hug"—a heartfelt message, a late-night phone call, a simple emoji—can be a lifeline. The true power lies not in the physical proximity, but in the emotional connection. It’s the consistent, unwavering presence that truly breaks through the walls and reminds someone they are loved.
This image, like my song, serves as a reminder of the fundamental human need for connection and the profound impact of simple acts of kindness. In a world that often prioritizes words and grand gestures, let’s not underestimate the power of an embrace—whether physical or virtual—a timeless language of comfort that speaks directly to the heart.
