Miss Na Kita

 

When I first wrote the lyrics to this song, it was a case of me missing Ashley. Ashley couldn't understand how to deal with my CPTSD nor have the ability to understand it in full. But it wasn't just her I was missing, it was more me missing us.

Unfortunately, the darkness in me was overwhelming me at night time due to a very traumatic situation I went through nearly my age. More on that in another post later down the line.

I looked deep down inside of myself and the memories I had and remembered the first time we kissed and how much I wanted to keep going!

Having your first kiss with your love one should always be special and I wanted to capture that by taking a picture of us in front of a mirror. Regret to say, the picture is blurry so it isn't the best one to see!

We chose to keep the picture between us and not show our family and friends it! Either way... I miss her. Not been by her... Holding her hand, kissing, hugging... All those little things were missing. Truth is, it will all be worth it knowing that we will see each other again soon!

But no matter how far away I am from her, I always look at my phone and see her face our picture together with me holding her, kissing her forehead. And it's memories like that, that makes you realize that the whole journey is worthwhile.

Don't give up on each other, especially if you know your other half is worth it! There will always be struggles because that's now relationships work! It's to build you up and take on the next challenge! But always remember, support each other and take time for you. If you feel overwhelmed, don't feel bad but try to say it in a gentle way so it doesn't feel bad. As I said, no relationship is easy but working together, you can get through it all.

Eddie

#MissNaKita #LongDistanceRelationship #LDR #BritishFilipinaCouple #BritishWriter #BritishBlogger #LoveStory #FilipinoMusic #OriginalSong #CPTSD #MentalHealth #RelationshipGoals #BloggerLife #TrueLove #MusicVideo

On Emptiness and Being a Partner

Sometimes I feel like I'm running on empty. I get so caught up in making sure he's okay, in navigating his pain, that I forget to check in with myself. The truth is, it’s a lot to hold. Trying to understand what he's going through with C-PTSD and autism can feel like trying to solve a puzzle with a thousand missing pieces.

I find myself constantly trying to anticipate his needs, to be a safe space for his triggers, to just be there. And I want to be. I love him. But lately, I feel this deep, quiet ache. It's the part of me that’s asking, "What about me? When is it my turn?"

The hard part is that I feel guilty even thinking it. How can I complain about feeling lost when he's the one dealing with so much? But that doesn't make my feelings any less real. Being his partner is a constant act of adapting. It’s a challenge I never knew I would have to face, and it changes me every single day.

I need him to understand that this is a change for me, too. It's a big, messy, beautiful, and sometimes very lonely change. It’s easy to get lost in his story and forget that I have my own.

I’m tired of feeling like I’m off-balance, constantly swaying from a place of support to a place of feeling completely unmoored. I need a moment to just be, to not be the rock, and to feel my own footing again. I need to be seen, too.

Ashley

"Lately, I've felt like I've been holding a lot in. The beautiful, the hard, the lonely. I needed a different way to let it out. So, I sat down and let the words and a melody find their way. This is what came out. These are the lyrics to a song about the parts of my heart I've been trying to find a voice for."

"I hope this finds a home in someone else’s heart who understands. You are not alone."

#PartnerSupport#CPTSD #Autism #MentalHealth #NeurodivergentPartner #EmotionalHealing #YouAreNotAlone #TiredAndOverwhelmed #Relationships #PartnerSupport #SelfCare #PersonalJourney #Songwriting #Lyrics