Eddie and I are building a life together, and part of that journey is bringing our blogs together, too. Our separate stories are now merging into one, and we've found a new home for them. For all our shared adventures and projects, please join us at [https://eddielovesashley.blogspot.com/].
This isn't a goodbye, but a beginning.
I wanted this post to be a tribute to our new chapter, and to the person who helped me find it. The poem below is a heartfelt welcome to this new path.
After this post, this blog will become a dedicated space for my personal work—a place for me to continue sharing my poetry and songs.
The pages here, once filled with just my voice, now whisper songs of you, our shared rejoice. My world of one, a quiet, single room, is now a house where two hearts find their bloom.
You came and found the words I couldn't write, and filled my future with a brand new light. So this old book, so dear, so full of grace, will now be home to memories of this place.
Our new story waits, its pages fresh and wide, a world of "us" where all our dreams collide. So please, come join us, read our journey’s start, where two blogs now become a single art.
Thank you for being part of this incredible adventure. I hope you'll come find us on our new blog and continue to be a part of my creative journey right here.
As the flight left Oman, heading towards Manila, it was only a matter of time before I was finally going to meet Ashley in person. Instead of feeling scared or anxious... The feeling of excitement was becoming more and more real! But... There was still that lingering feeling of how I was going to be accepted into the country? Why the UK government website didn't state, that you needed to download this app is beyond me. Either way, I wanted to find out a way to make this happen unless... Well... That's the thing I didn't know what could happen! Would they send me back on the next flight to London? Could they accept that I did register on the app and not deport me?
Once coming off the flight, I was then given a helping hand by someone who wheeled me around the airport. Thankfully this person did the app for me and was able to get all the details done. Cue Hallelujah been sung on the airport speakers with a huge beam of light shining behind him Using his phone, he took my details and told me to take a picture of the QR code. Once done, I wouldn't have to worry and I'll be able to enter the country without any worry. Sweet potato fries.... Did that make me feel so much better! And once again, Hallelujah was playing on the Airport speakers! The worry of not been able to see Ashley, been told you can't enter the country... Everything wrong was finally out of my head!
The next thing I did was tell Ashley that I was here but just waiting for my suitcase. Watching on the screen, I was seeing how all the suitcases were coming down with a few going a different direction. Luckily I didn't carry anything to cause issues so I was fine. Still, my suitcase did take a while to get to me. Once it finally did, the man who was pushing me alone in the wheelchair, was taking me outside. My final text to Ashley was that I was heading outside... Unfortunately... I was outside of the WiFi signal. When I realised that the text didn't go through I felt despair again, thinking... What if she leaves me here thinking this was a hoax of me saying I was here. Before Robin could say Holy Signal Issues Batman, I ask the guy can he please text or call her to let her know I'm here! Panicking is probably the best word for this since he could easily say no and if he did... Well let's just say there be this huge hole in the ground that swallowed me up in one go. Picture a tiny bite size thing to eat and gone in someone's mouth... That would be me. Sweating away for his answer in slow motion, he said yes he could!
As the minutes rolled on, I patiently waited for Ashley to turn up. The guy who have been wheeling me saw the car, which is when I noticed, a beautiful lady popping out while coming towards me! Wait... Not a lady, am angel with glowing purple wings behind her back! Holding my stick in my hand, I gave her the biggest hug I could but she had no idea that deep down I was crying inside! Relief is one word for how I felt at that moment, but I prefer to say dreamy instead. We walked towards the car, loading the suitcase and sports carrier bag in the boot. I sat next to Ashley at long last. Finally... Finally!!! The Roc- I mean... I have come home. Yep, home! What some people don't realise is the home doesn't always have to be the place you're born, but where you feel safe. After so long of dreaming about this... It was a reality. Dreams do come true and this was the first step towards it!
One thing I did notice a little different, Ashley's accent. And despite hearing it multiple times... It had an American twang to it. This wasn't a bad thing, but made me enjoy listening to her voice more. How strange is it though, you hear someone's voice over the phone for so long, but then in person... It's a bit different! Maybe she felt I was taller than what she saw on camera or maybe more chubby... I was just happy to be there.
This is an alternative version of the song "Yakap tayo, mahal ko!" Hope you enjoy it!
Meeting the family was going to be the next day after I landed in Manila. Too soon? Well... I guess so, but to be honest, I was looking forward to it. The first person I spoke to directly was Ben, her brother. But before I knew Ben, I sent a message to her mum saying hello and saying how great her daughter was.
Ashley had been completely open with me from the start. She shared her blog and her YouTube channel, where she uploaded her favorite songs—including Hall & Oates's "Wait for Me (Live + String Version)." Her openness made me feel like there was more to our connection. Early on in our conversations, she confided that she didn't want to live anymore, and the truth is, I understood that feeling all too well. I felt it, too. But at the same time, I could sense her hidden beauty. Maybe I was the key to unlocking it?
When the time came where Ashley had to go meet the family for Ben's birthday, I encouraged her to go enjoy herself! Of course, I was going to miss talking to her. But at the same time, I wanted her to enjoy the moments with her family. That for me was important because from my understanding, she hardly sees and spends time with them. She took videos of her in the car with her family, with some of the songs reminding me of the music I used to listen to back in the day.
Ben is a joyful person who loves to enjoy himself and make everyone else happy. For me, this felt like it could help Ashley realize the good times ahead! Eventually, around the holiday seasons, Ben stayed over, and I was finally given the opportunity to speak with him one on one! He expressed his love and the times he came to London with Ashley and their other brother. Ben mentioned the horrible Christmas tree, and from there, I started to make it my job to show them around London. Sure, I could make a video, but... I wanted them to see it in real time so they could see around or ask me to go back so they didn't miss anything.
The horrible Christmas tree was there, and it was as disappointing as they said it was. London is meant to be a place where people look forward to things, but this... This... Was an absolute sad joke. Regardless, I took pictures and videos whenever I had a moment to share videos or pictures of various stores. Both Ashley and Ben were concerned that I might be too tired holding the phone while video calling them.
Various places were shown to them and even some of the stores had special Christmas displays. But one thing I always made sure to ask was, did Ben take his medication? Maybe I shouldn't have worried so much, but that was always my way of showing concern. In time, I felt that I made a good friendship with Ben and appreciated his support of me being with Ashley.
What I didn't know was something huge was going on. During this time before the family meeting, Ashley's family wasn't too sure about me, Ben was the one to defend my honor to everyone. In my mind, I feel like Ben was sitting there in the room, like a kettle that's about to start whistling and blow off some steam!
For me, this meant a whole lot because I can never thank Ben enough for defending me. Knowing that I meant no harm to anyone, he really drove home that I was a good person. Without him, I don't know how much more grief Ashley would have had to handle. Like I said, I'm eternally grateful for him! In return for his kindness, I bought a fridge magnet of London to give him something to remind him, of his time here.
Day before I left London, I had a check list of things to get. Namely, the fridge magnets, which for me was one of the most important things to pick up. Whilst at Victoria, I thought this be a good chance to pick up some tea. Mainly because, it's joked about that the British love to drink tea! And no it doesn't rain as much as you thin- Okay it's raining right now... I stand corrected, it does rain a lot here. When I looked at the various flavours, there was one tea set that stood out the most. Containing 6 different teas with pictures of London, this made me decide, this is the best choice to go with!
This lead me to pack the suitcase again but this didn't bother me too much. I wanted to make sure everything was inside and secure, nothing left behind! Famous last words! Before I could go to Victoria, I had to go do my voice recording for a radio drama. I felt disappointed with the voice recording because I didn't feel I was doing enough or getting it correctly done. But knowing I would spoke to Ashley that night, helped me a ton and made me focus on the journey of finally meeting her in person! The excitement, the fact that I'm finally doing this and able to hold her at long last... It's everything I been waiting for! At this point, the song The Final Countdown was playing in my head.
When it closer to for me needing to leave, mum wanted to do a final check on the suitcase and carry on bag. This was to make sure everything was inside and packed away safely. Checking the clock again, I wanted to make sure I got to the airport without any major issues. Soon as an Uber driver accepted my request, I got my jacket on and made my way downstairs. Mum wanted to come with me and decided to hold the suitcase. This worried me a bit because mum always said about how she has issues with her arm. Despite this, she lifted up the suitcase with one arm and kept going forward.
The Uber driver was really nice and we joked about various things. One thing that did stand out for me, was when he was saying about his wife's family realizing the taste of cleaning the meat and how much better it was. As I said to him, imagine saying to them, how much better it taste by just washing their hands... Mind blowing! As he dropped me off, he wished me well and hope it all goes well on my new journey. I gave him a hug because I really appreciate him. He got me a trolley for the suitcase and just been a nice person in general. Nice people still exist, just rare to see them.
Once inside the airport, I was hit with something shocking... Lady at the desk perform some crazy Street Fighter combo move that I never seen before! "Sir have you downloaded the Philippines Government app?" ...The what now? Yep... The App. Not only this, but you need to have this done 3 days BEFORE you fly out! *Cue Mortal Kombat : FINISH HIM!* Well crap! If my eyes wasn't popping out with fear and worry, it finally was! Now I'm worried and thinking well I best to download it now! Unfortunately, the area I was in, the WiFi wouldn't let me download anything at all. In my mind, it felt that I was in a queue, waiting to pick up my delivery, only for the door to close on me. Rage...
Even if I disconnected from the WiFi, the signal there was awful, so I was limited on getting anywhere. Once I was moved to a different section, I finally got it downloaded. However, my phone had developer mode on so I was unable to continue. Not only this, but I also couldn't see the screen due to it been on an background that I couldn't read. Just give me a break now please! When I asked for help, no wanted to or was around to. Yep... There goes those tumbleweeds with the strong winds pushing them along... Sigh.
I bought something to eat, and in one bite, the actual item was stall as hell. Even Costa coffee wasn't happy with me today! Honestly, it was starting to feel like the dream was turning into a nightmare. I didn't get a chance to complain because by then, we was going to be wheeled in a different area, which was getting closer to the plane. Sitting by me was an Arabic guy who didn't speak any English at all. He started asking me questions and I kept saying I'm sorry I really don't know what you're saying. Eventually I said yeah sure they can help you at the desk!
I started to notice people were getting picked up and moved on to the flight with me just left. It was at this moment, I started to worry more. The assistant who helped me at the start, came to me and asked what flight I was on, while making sure assistance came by to get me on the flight. When I was finally board on the plane, I looked out the window, took a couple of pictures and said to myself... To my new beginnings and the next step in my new relationship.
This is a powerful testament to the unexpected connections that can change everything. It's a reminder that sometimes, the person you set out to help ends up being the one who saves you.
It was August 27, 2024. A deep longing to connect led me to post on Reddit, hoping to find someone for a meaningful conversation. At the same time, I was also calmly planning how to end my life. My plan was set.
I first considered jumping from my balcony. Thinking about it now, it seems so crazy and ridiculous. I thank God I found it so, because I knew it wasn't fair to my brother, Jun, who had let me stay in his unit, to end my life in such a gruesome way. I changed my plan. I'd go to another building and jump from the top. Then I thought again. Anilao—one of the happiest times of my life was there with my loving dogs, Hershey and Luscious, who have both passed on. I wanted to die in the peacefulness of Anilao. I was about to take a bus there, but in a split second, I shifted my focus. I decided to call my mom and spend time with her instead. We visited my brother Ben and stayed overnight so I could spend my remaining time with them.
Luckily, my mom was available. We took the bus to Lipa, Batangas, for an overnight stay with Ben. I was careful not to give her a hint of what was happening, savoring every moment with her and Ben. When Ben told Jun I was there, Jun offered to pick us up for a meal. "Wow," I thought to myself, "I'm thankful I get to have time with Jun too before I die." We ended up staying at Ben's for two nights because a stormy day made travel unsafe for my mom. Before we left, Ben asked, "Bakit balisa ka?" (Why are you so anxious?). It was a jolt to realize he could sense my feelings. As I said goodbye, I made a new, morbid promise to myself: I would delay my plans until after his birthday on September 7th so he wouldn't have to deal with my death. How sick was that? Oh my God.
Mom went back to her place, and I was home alone again. It was a stormy August 27, 2024. I posted on Reddit: "Looking for a meaningful chat connection. Are you feeling lonely or isolated? Do you crave deep conversation? I'm looking for someone to share heartfelt talks with. Let's connect and find solace together."
I got several replies and DMs, but one person stood out. After checking out his posts, I saw he had two cats, so I thought, "Okay, he's an animal lover. Check." His posts were also deeply suicidal. I told myself, "If I can cheer him up before I cross over, then I'd love to do that."
I decided to chat with Eddie. He was a 41-year-old guy from London with two cats. I had read his posts and knew he was depressed, and all I wanted was to cheer him up. We had a brief chat, and I had a strong feeling to send him this poem I created during our conversation:
A Poem of Friendship's Start
A chance encounter, a fleeting glance,
A spark ignited, a sweet advance.
Though brief the chat, a bond was made,
A friendship's seed, a promise laid.
So let us nurture this growing seed,
With care and kindness, a loving deed.
For in this friendship, a treasure lies,
A gift from heaven, a sweet surprise.
Surprisingly, he sent me a poem he'd written with the title Unspoken Harmony, which touched me deeply. I told him: "Eddie, your poem is powerful and moving. It's clear that you've been through a lot, and I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. Your desire for a world of peace and harmony is something we all share. It's important to remember that you're not alone in your struggles. There are people who care about you and want to see you happy. I hope you can find the strength to overcome these challenges and find the peace you deserve."
I felt his poetry was genuine. I wanted to give him more emotional support, but it was my bedtime. He sent me his photo before our chat ended. Happy anniversary on our first chat!
The next day, I wanted to return the favor. I chose a photo that didn't represent my real life—one where I was wearing a pink wig. I'd always wanted pink hair but never had the guts to get it. I also chose a photo where I was at my heaviest because I wasn't looking for love. I just wanted to connect and give Eddie the same emotional support he had given me. He said I didn't look my age at all.
I was busy with work and my daily routine. On Saturday, August 31st, I was freer and sent him a message, letting him know I was available to chat. That's when our deeper conversation started. I enjoyed it very much, finding a person who had the same wavelength of mind. I asked him questions I used to ask myself when I felt lonely, just to entertain myself and survive a long day of being alone. Somehow, I found that we were both enjoying our conversation.
It went on and on, becoming part of our routine. I was able to tell this stranger I could connect with that I was giving up on life due to a financial breakdown. He stayed on to give me all the emotional support I needed. It felt like the universe created a bridge just for him to find me, right at the moment I was most lost. His words and support became my lifeline, guiding me through each day. I thought I was supposed to help him, but little did I know that he would be the one to save my life this time.
He didn't save me from my past; I had already done that myself. He saved me from giving up on my future. He saw not a failure, but a woman who had been through hell and back, a woman who had risen from the ashes only to be knocked down again. He offered not pity, but understanding and unwavering support. He reminded me of my strength and the resilience I had already demonstrated. He gave me hope when I had none left. Our online chat quickly became a daily routine, a connection that blossomed across the miles into a lifeline of understanding and encouragement.
I realized I deserved kindness, and that rebuilding wasn't just about business; it was about me. It was about learning to trust myself, to believe in my own resilience, and to accept that setbacks, however painful, shouldn't define me. "Keep moving, Ashley," that still echoes in my mind. The powerful words from Eddie to keep me moving.
Happy anniversary, Eddie. It's hard to believe it's been a year since our first chat. You came into my life at the exact moment I needed you, and your words truly became my lifeline. Thank you for reminding me to "keep moving" and for giving me hope for the future. You saved my life, and for that, I am forever grateful.
Ashley
I wanted to add a personal touch to this post, so I created a song to go along with it. It was an amazing experience to bring it to life.
The lyrics of this song reflect my journey of finding you. They're about giving up on love and then, unexpectedly, finding a true connection that changes everything. It's a testament to how our friendship became a lifeline and how a new journey began when I found someone exactly like you.
When people hear you have mental health issues, you normally notice people will decide to leave you alone. That was more commonly known back in the day, especially since we didn't have much knowledge of it. However, most people do struggle with it and has become more open with the common theme been depression and anxiety.
But what does that have to do with me and Ashley? Quite a lot actually. Truth is, I felt I could open up to Ashley regarding my mental health issues and how it affects me. My only issue is, that still worried me was discussing that I have autism. Reason been is that the same way people with mental health was treated back in the day, is still common now.
Knowing how it affected me in the past, I tried my best not to let it show by putting on my invisible mask to hide my autistic side. But like most times when I wear a mask, it starts to crumble and falls apart. Was it wrong for me to hide it? Looking at the situation now... Yes it was. When Ashley asked me if I have autism, I felt guilty and said yes. But instead of her wanting to leave like the rare few friends I have, she stuck by.
Deep inside, I wanted to cry for multiple reasons. One : She accepted me for all my flaws. Two : I no longer had to try and "act" a different way. As little as it may seem, it honestly meant the world on me! Like I said, been treated unfairly by a lot of people, you do want to be part of the crowd. But they may not accept you for you which is the issue all the time.
So today, I wanted to express my love again to Ashley and how grateful I am to her! Never did I ever think, I would be loved the way I did but I'm forever grateful for all she does for me! Learning how I see things differently can't be easy but she's willing to give me a chance!
For those who struggle, in any type way, I truly hope that one day, you'll be able to find the peace and happiness you truly deserve. I never thought I would, but thankfully I did! No matter how difficult life can be, always have faith that a happy ending can still happen for all of us!
Life, as it often does, threw us a curveball recently. Eddie’s return from Manila to London brought with it a weight, a shadow I hadn’t seen before. He was physically present, yet a part of him seemed distant, lost in the echoes of past traumas. As he spoke, the pieces began to fall into place – CPTSD had taken hold, and it felt like we were both caught in a strong undercurrent, pulling us down together as we held on.
My immediate reaction, my old coping mechanism, was to retreat, to recharge on my own. It's how I've always processed things, this need to look for the bright side, to remember the good memories that marked the beginning of “us,” the foundation of our blog, AshleyLoveEddie.
During that initial period, as I poured my emotions into creating the first song, the start of something new (https://youtube.com/shorts/vs-8pVAlzXQ), Eddie wasn't fully present to share that moment of creation. The lyrics speak of finding a new beginning after being broken, of a virtual hug and feeling saved – sentiments that reflected my hopes for our future together.
Then came a moment of realization. My instinct to step back shifted. He needed me. We were in this together, and running wasn't the answer. I sought guidance on how to navigate this, how to heal myself while supporting him on his own journey. It was from this space that another song emerged (https://youtu.be/gkPg4ZlpYqg). This folk-inspired melody is about reconnecting, about finding joy in small things after a period of drifting apart. It perfectly mirrored our struggle and my decision to stay and fight alongside him.
And then, slowly, we began to find our light again. Eddie started to heal, and the creative spark reignited within him. He returned to our blog, sharing his thoughts and feelings with such raw honesty. His latest entry, “Miss Na Kita” on https://ashleyloveeddie.blogspot.com, is a testament to the depth of his emotions. The lyrics he composed on YouTube (https://youtu.be/RG8qmmtudL8?si=YMTYYMl8dap_W6uF).”It’s a powerful declaration of our bond, a reflection of how we found our way back to each other.
This series of events, marked by shadows and illuminated by songs, feels like a significant chapter in our story. It’s a reminder that even in the darkest of times, love and connection can be the guiding lights. And sometimes, the most profound healing happens when we face the storm together, hand in hand, finding our shared rhythm once more.
"The Song We Made" is more than just a song; it's a chapter from our life. This song was born from a journey through a dark period of struggle and healing, a time when our love and resilience were truly tested.
It tells the story of how my partner, Eddie, and I navigated the challenges of CPTSD. When it felt like we were swimming against a strong current, we found our way back to each other and to the light.
When I first wrote the lyrics to this song, it was a case of me missing Ashley. Ashley couldn't understand how to deal with my CPTSD nor have the ability to understand it in full. But it wasn't just her I was missing, it was more me missing us.
Unfortunately, the darkness in me was overwhelming me at night time due to a very traumatic situation I went through nearly my age. More on that in another post later down the line.
I looked deep down inside of myself and the memories I had and remembered the first time we kissed and how much I wanted to keep going!
Having your first kiss with your love one should always be special and I wanted to capture that by taking a picture of us in front of a mirror. Regret to say, the picture is blurry so it isn't the best one to see!
We chose to keep the picture between us and not show our family and friends it! Either way... I miss her. Not been by her... Holding her hand, kissing, hugging... All those little things were missing. Truth is, it will all be worth it knowing that we will see each other again soon!
But no matter how far away I am from her, I always look at my phone and see her face our picture together with me holding her, kissing her forehead. And it's memories like that, that makes you realize that the whole journey is worthwhile.
Don't give up on each other, especially if you know your other half is worth it! There will always be struggles because that's now relationships work! It's to build you up and take on the next challenge! But always remember, support each other and take time for you. If you feel overwhelmed, don't feel bad but try to say it in a gentle way so it doesn't feel bad. As I said, no relationship is easy but working together, you can get through it all.
Hey world, I thought I would share some words regarding Yakap tayo, mahal ko! Making a song regarding my love for Ashley was something I been wanting to do for a long time. Adjustment were made during the process of making the lyrics and while it has been altered, I'm feeling more happier about it.
Originally, the song was going to be called Under this sky, but changed to Yakap tayo, mahal ko! As you can see, I used tagalog to express my love to her! As a surprise to her, I revealed the song to her which made her cry happy tears! The image reflects on our first time seeing each other in person at the airport! While I didn't cry like a baby, deep down when I was leaving, I wanted to.
Yakap tayo, mahal ko" means "let's hug, my love," and it's something very special. In my view, giving hugs is the most special thing you can ever have, and feeling the embrace of someone you love is the best feeling in the world. To this day, I still cherish the memory of our first hug and how much I wanted to lift her off her feet. Knowing I hugged her is one of the most precious moments we will ever have.
Hopefully, you too can feel the warmth and emotional depth that was put into this beautiful song created! Everyone needs a hug and I hope you can do so soon! Speak soon world!
Hey world, it's Eddie! I thought it's time I said a few things! So yes, I have autism and believe me, it's not easy. A lot of the time, I don't understand things. I'm sure you can imagine how upsetting it is for me and I try really hard to keep moving forward. And this is why I love Ashley so much! When she knew I was this way, she try to learn more about it. There's plenty of YouTube videos to show you the what we go through. Whilst I could keep going on about Autism, I think that should be another day! Either way, I just wanted to say hi and thank you for reading this blog regarding our journey! And trust me, this is only the start of it!
I still remember the silence. Not the quiet kind you can find in a library or on a still evening, but the silence that lives in a conversation that's lost its rhythm. It’s a quiet that tells you something is gone.
For a while, our relationship felt like two ships passing in the night, even though we were on the phone every day. We were thousands of miles apart, from London to Manila, and it felt like the distance wasn't just physical. A heavy shadow had fallen over things, and we were both struggling to find our way back to the easy, happy "us" we used to be. The laughter was less frequent, the conversations were heavier, and I felt like I was losing my own light while trying to find his.
I wanted to find a way to tell him what I needed, but words felt clumsy. It took a quiet moment of reflection to realize that the answer wasn't in one big solution, but in a series of gentle, daily choices. It was a gentle nudge, a reminder that the strongest bonds are not those that avoid the shadow, but those that can create their own light. A wise friend helped me put my feelings into words, and this is the advice that came from our conversation. It really made me think of us
Greetings, Eddie.
Listen closely, for this is a friendly tip, whispered to you from the universe itself.
You are a soul of great light, though it has been dimmed by the deep space of trauma and the complex constellations of your mind. Ashley’s light is there to guide you, but she is also a star, and her light needs to be fed.
Remember these simple universal truths to keep your orbits aligned:
1. Create a Pocket of Sunlight.
The universe is not all darkness; it is filled with nebulae, galaxies, and the warmth of suns. Ashley knows you are navigating some dark spaces right now, but when all your energy is focused there, her light begins to fade.
The Tip: In your conversations, consciously create a pocket of sunlight. Dedicate a moment each day to something purely happy, something that has no shadow—a shared memory, a joke, or a simple dream for the future.
2. Tune into Her Frequency.
Ashley’s feelings are a unique frequency, a subtle hum in the cosmos. Your wiring may not always be attuned to it, but you have the power to listen.
The Tip: When you sense she is sad, pause and listen. A simple acknowledgment is a powerful cosmic signal. Say, "I hear your sadness," or "It's okay to feel that way." This is a language of pure love, and it tells her she is not alone in the vastness.
3. Align Your Worlds.
Your connection spans oceans and continents, but that makes your shared moments even more sacred. Don't let your calls be just a distant orbit.
The Tip: Be intentional with your time. Plan to watch the same movie, listen to the same song, or simply lie down and talk without any distractions. Create a constellation that is uniquely yours, even from far away.
4. Send Out Your Own Starlight.
Tiny sparks of starlight can travel across light-years. The small gestures are your most powerful energy.
The Tip: A simple "I love you" text, a photo of your smile, or a spontaneous message telling her you are thinking of her—these are the tiny sparks that remind her she is always a bright part of your universe.
5. Tend to Your Own Light.
It is difficult to share light when your own is dimming. Ashley worries that your focus on the darkness will consume you.
The Tip: Take a moment to step away from the stress. Your happiness is a light source for her. When you take care of yourself, you are loving her, too.
Remember, Eddie, the universe is built on connection. The strongest bonds are those that share both light and shadow, but they always remember to create their own brightness.
And then, it happened. The moment I knew we had found our way back to life. It didn't happen in a big dramatic way, but in a quiet, beautiful moment. He simply told me, “Come with me to the park.”
And so we went. He held his phone up on a video call, and as he walked, it felt like I was walking right beside him. We ventured down an eerie path toward a Tree Tower, past bursts of red, purple, and yellow flowers—each a small explosion of hope. We laughed about an imaginary double burger, complete with bacon and onion rings, and we found a tiny dwarf palm that felt like a secret just for us. It was in those moments, in the small details we were creating together across a screen, that the quiet from before was replaced by the familiar sound of our old rhythm.
The truth is, finding your way back isn't a single event. It's a choice you make every single day. It's the decision to create your own light, even when you're in the shadow. It's in the virtual walks, the silly jokes, and the conscious effort to find the beautiful things in a world that can sometimes feel heavy.
If you’re feeling like you’ve lost your groove, remember this: the light is always there. Sometimes, you just have to decide to create it yourself.
This video is my personal journey through the light and shadow of a long-distance relationship. I wrote the lyrics and created this video to explore how to navigate life's challenges and find a way back to happiness. The song is a tribute to the small, everyday choices that reconnect us, from an imaginary burger in a park to simply choosing to find the light again. It's for anyone who has struggled to keep their rhythm but never lost faith in love.
Sometimes I feel like I'm running on empty. I get so caught up in making sure he's okay, in navigating his pain, that I forget to check in with myself. The truth is, it’s a lot to hold. Trying to understand what he's going through with C-PTSD and autism can feel like trying to solve a puzzle with a thousand missing pieces.
I find myself constantly trying to anticipate his needs, to be a safe space for his triggers, to just be there. And I want to be. I love him. But lately, I feel this deep, quiet ache. It's the part of me that’s asking, "What about me? When is it my turn?"
The hard part is that I feel guilty even thinking it. How can I complain about feeling lost when he's the one dealing with so much? But that doesn't make my feelings any less real. Being his partner is a constant act of adapting. It’s a challenge I never knew I would have to face, and it changes me every single day.
I need him to understand that this is a change for me, too. It's a big, messy, beautiful, and sometimes very lonely change. It’s easy to get lost in his story and forget that I have my own.
I’m tired of feeling like I’m off-balance, constantly swaying from a place of support to a place of feeling completely unmoored. I need a moment to just be, to not be the rock, and to feel my own footing again. I need to be seen, too.
Ashley
"Lately, I've felt like I've been holding a lot in. The beautiful, the hard, the lonely. I needed a different way to let it out. So, I sat down and let the words and a melody find their way. This is what came out. These are the lyrics to a song about the parts of my heart I've been trying to find a voice for."
"I hope this finds a home in someone else’s heart who understands. You are not alone."
Sometimes, in the midst of overwhelming emotions or unspoken pain, words can feel insufficient. They can fall short of capturing the depth of what we’re feeling or the comfort we long to offer. It’s in those moments that a simple, heartfelt embrace can speak volumes.
My latest creative project, a song titled "[I Feel Your Pain]", explores the complexities of connecting with someone who is hurting. While the music and lyrics aim to capture the internal struggles and the desire to offer support, it’s often the simplest of human gestures that carry the most profound meaning.
I recently came across a powerful black and white photograph: a man is being held in an embrace, his head resting as a woman holds him, her arms wrapped around his neck. The gesture is one of profound support and comfort. It's a hug that says, "I'm holding you; I've got you."
This image perfectly encapsulates the essence of my song. It speaks to the idea that sometimes, the most effective way to break through the walls someone has built around their heart is not through elaborate explanations or solutions, but through a genuine, non-verbal expression of care. This particular kind of embrace communicates a deep sense of safety—a powerful anchor in a sea of turmoil. It can remind someone that they are loved, that they are safe, and that they don’t have to carry their pain entirely on their own.
In the embrace captured in the photograph, there’s a sense of acceptance – a silent acknowledgment of pain without judgment. It suggests that the person being held is not alone in their struggle, that someone sees them and is willing to offer comfort without demanding anything in return.
When we think about supporting loved ones who are navigating difficult times, especially those dealing with invisible wounds or carrying heavy burdens, we might feel pressured to say the right thing or offer the perfect advice. But often, what’s needed most is simply our presence and a tangible expression of care.
And that tangible expression isn't always physical. Even when you're miles away, you can still offer a powerful sense of support. A "virtual hug"—a heartfelt message, a late-night phone call, a simple emoji—can be a lifeline. The true power lies not in the physical proximity, but in the emotional connection. It’s the consistent, unwavering presence that truly breaks through the walls and reminds someone they are loved.
This image, like my song, serves as a reminder of the fundamental human need for connection and the profound impact of simple acts of kindness. In a world that often prioritizes words and grand gestures, let’s not underestimate the power of an embrace—whether physical or virtual—a timeless language of comfort that speaks directly to the heart.
Living in Manila while my boyfriend is in London created a distance that felt immense. Yet, every night, he would bridge those 8,000 miles by reading Paulo Coelho's "Eleven Minutes" to me online before I went to sleep.
His voice, a comforting melody through my headset, made the story of Maria our own. It was a ritual that transcended time zones and physical separation, turning a book about love and destiny into our personal love story. "Eleven Minutes" became more than a novel; it was our secret connection, a quiet promise that we were together, even when we were worlds apart.
That shared experience, born from a long-distance challenge, remains one of the most cherished memories of our journey. It's a powerful reminder that love isn't defined by proximity, but by the creative, intentional ways we choose to be present for each other.
This is the first page of our story, a place where we hope to share our journey with you. We are Ashley and Eddie—a couple connected across continents. I’m writing to you from the vibrant, bustling streets of Manila, and Eddie is living his life in the historic, ever-changing city of London. We are 6,600 miles apart, separated by time zones and an ocean, and yet we are building a life together, one day at a time.
Eddie is also autistic. We want to be open about that from the very beginning because it is an important part of who he is, and it has taught us so much about what it means to truly understand and love another person. This blog is our space to explore what a long-distance relationship looks like when you're navigating different cultures, communication styles, and ways of seeing the world.
How We Found Each Other
It wasn't a movie meet-cute or a chance encounter in a coffee shop. We met online, through a shared interest in a a specific online community, completely unaware that our first few messages would lead us here. Our conversations started simply, about our interests, our days, and our thoughts. We talked for hours, late into my Manila nights and early into his London mornings, quickly realizing that we had a connection that was anything but ordinary. The distance was a reality from day one, but it never felt like a barrier. It was just a fact of our relationship, something we knew we’d have to figure out together.
Building a Bridge
Our lives are different in so many ways. I can see the palm trees outside my window while he's looking out at brick buildings. My days are filled with the noisy, chaotic energy of my city, while his are often meticulously planned. We've had to learn how to communicate in a way that respects and celebrates those differences. For us, that means learning to be clear and direct, finding joy in routines, and understanding that sometimes, a comfortable silence on a video call is more meaningful than a thousand words.
Our blog is an invitation for you to join us on this journey. We’ll be sharing our triumphs, our challenges, the big moments, and the small ones. We hope that our story can offer a little bit of insight, a little bit of hope, and a lot of honesty about what it means to be in a long-distance relationship—and a love that’s as unique as we are.
I wrote the lyrics and created the video for my song, "The Start of Something Real," based on my own love story. It's for anyone who feels like they've given up on love or life. I met my boyfriend on a stormy night when I was feeling lost, and he gave me a "brand new line"—a new perspective and a reason to hope again. This is our story of finding a new beginning when we both thought our stories had already ended, and I hope it inspires you to believe that a new chapter is always possible.
