This is a powerful testament to the unexpected connections that can change everything. It's a reminder that sometimes, the person you set out to help ends up being the one who saves you.
It was August 27, 2024. A deep longing to connect led me to post on Reddit, hoping to find someone for a meaningful conversation. At the same time, I was also calmly planning how to end my life. My plan was set.
I first considered jumping from my balcony. Thinking about it now, it seems so crazy and ridiculous. I thank God I found it so, because I knew it wasn't fair to my brother, Jun, who had let me stay in his unit, to end my life in such a gruesome way. I changed my plan. I'd go to another building and jump from the top. Then I thought again. Anilao—one of the happiest times of my life was there with my loving dogs, Hershey and Luscious, who have both passed on. I wanted to die in the peacefulness of Anilao. I was about to take a bus there, but in a split second, I shifted my focus. I decided to call my mom and spend time with her instead. We visited my brother Ben and stayed overnight so I could spend my remaining time with them.
Luckily, my mom was available. We took the bus to Lipa, Batangas, for an overnight stay with Ben. I was careful not to give her a hint of what was happening, savoring every moment with her and Ben. When Ben told Jun I was there, Jun offered to pick us up for a meal. "Wow," I thought to myself, "I'm thankful I get to have time with Jun too before I die." We ended up staying at Ben's for two nights because a stormy day made travel unsafe for my mom. Before we left, Ben asked, "Bakit balisa ka?" (Why are you so anxious?). It was a jolt to realize he could sense my feelings. As I said goodbye, I made a new, morbid promise to myself: I would delay my plans until after his birthday on September 7th so he wouldn't have to deal with my death. How sick was that? Oh my God.
Mom went back to her place, and I was home alone again. It was a stormy August 27, 2024. I posted on Reddit: "Looking for a meaningful chat connection. Are you feeling lonely or isolated? Do you crave deep conversation? I'm looking for someone to share heartfelt talks with. Let's connect and find solace together."
I got several replies and DMs, but one person stood out. After checking out his posts, I saw he had two cats, so I thought, "Okay, he's an animal lover. Check." His posts were also deeply suicidal. I told myself, "If I can cheer him up before I cross over, then I'd love to do that."
I decided to chat with Eddie. He was a 41-year-old guy from London with two cats. I had read his posts and knew he was depressed, and all I wanted was to cheer him up. We had a brief chat, and I had a strong feeling to send him this poem I created during our conversation:
A Poem of Friendship's Start
A chance encounter, a fleeting glance, A spark ignited, a sweet advance. Though brief the chat, a bond was made, A friendship's seed, a promise laid. So let us nurture this growing seed, With care and kindness, a loving deed. For in this friendship, a treasure lies, A gift from heaven, a sweet surprise.
Surprisingly, he sent me a poem he'd written with the title Unspoken Harmony, which touched me deeply. I told him: "Eddie, your poem is powerful and moving. It's clear that you've been through a lot, and I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. Your desire for a world of peace and harmony is something we all share. It's important to remember that you're not alone in your struggles. There are people who care about you and want to see you happy. I hope you can find the strength to overcome these challenges and find the peace you deserve."
I felt his poetry was genuine. I wanted to give him more emotional support, but it was my bedtime. He sent me his photo before our chat ended. Happy anniversary on our first chat!
The next day, I wanted to return the favor. I chose a photo that didn't represent my real life—one where I was wearing a pink wig. I'd always wanted pink hair but never had the guts to get it. I also chose a photo where I was at my heaviest because I wasn't looking for love. I just wanted to connect and give Eddie the same emotional support he had given me. He said I didn't look my age at all.
I was busy with work and my daily routine. On Saturday, August 31st, I was freer and sent him a message, letting him know I was available to chat. That's when our deeper conversation started. I enjoyed it very much, finding a person who had the same wavelength of mind. I asked him questions I used to ask myself when I felt lonely, just to entertain myself and survive a long day of being alone. Somehow, I found that we were both enjoying our conversation.
It went on and on, becoming part of our routine. I was able to tell this stranger I could connect with that I was giving up on life due to a financial breakdown. He stayed on to give me all the emotional support I needed. It felt like the universe created a bridge just for him to find me, right at the moment I was most lost. His words and support became my lifeline, guiding me through each day. I thought I was supposed to help him, but little did I know that he would be the one to save my life this time.
He didn't save me from my past; I had already done that myself. He saved me from giving up on my future. He saw not a failure, but a woman who had been through hell and back, a woman who had risen from the ashes only to be knocked down again. He offered not pity, but understanding and unwavering support. He reminded me of my strength and the resilience I had already demonstrated. He gave me hope when I had none left. Our online chat quickly became a daily routine, a connection that blossomed across the miles into a lifeline of understanding and encouragement.
I realized I deserved kindness, and that rebuilding wasn't just about business; it was about me. It was about learning to trust myself, to believe in my own resilience, and to accept that setbacks, however painful, shouldn't define me. "Keep moving, Ashley," that still echoes in my mind. The powerful words from Eddie to keep me moving.
Happy anniversary, Eddie. It's hard to believe it's been a year since our first chat. You came into my life at the exact moment I needed you, and your words truly became my lifeline. Thank you for reminding me to "keep moving" and for giving me hope for the future. You saved my life, and for that, I am forever grateful.
Ashley
I wanted to add a personal touch to this post, so I created a song to go along with it. It was an amazing experience to bring it to life.
The lyrics of this song reflect my journey of finding you. They're about giving up on love and then, unexpectedly, finding a true connection that changes everything. It's a testament to how our friendship became a lifeline and how a new journey began when I found someone exactly like you.
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